Meet the new generation who are not so concerned with marrying as soon as they come of age. Instead, they are ambitiously driven to pave a solid career for themselves whilst carefully planning to marry after they have reached their goals.
Ebyan Cusmaan, a psychology student at Nottingham Trent University, believes Somali, Eritrean and Ethiopian women have a far greater potential that needs to be explored and valued. Although these women are praised in our cultures, it is often for what they have done for their families or their ability to endure difficult times. It is often frowned upon for a woman to educate herself and be able to stand on her own two feet without the help of a man. Like Ebyan, many young women believe this ideology to be archaic and outdated. Most of these girls were either born here or came here at a very young age. It is only natural for them to have adapted to western culture. This is not to say they have to leave their own traditions behind but rather mould the two and reap the benefits of both of them.
These young women are discovering many opportunities that are at their disposal such as support for higher education, work placements, vocational courses and better employment opportunities. They are also able to appreciate the benefits of being independent, not only for themselves but also for their future families. A financially independent woman will not want to marry a man for financial reasons but rather for the personal qualities, he can bring to a relationship. Financial independence is the catalyst for pushing back traditional weddings. The reasons based on our interviews, is one of the crowning ironies of human courtship: women want financial independence so they can support themselves without the husband, and men want it so they can support their wife. “I grew up with nothing, and I don’t want my kids to grow up the same way,” says Kedest a PR in her early Thirties.
Additionally, young women are exposed to a divorce rate that is on the increase! Either these divorces are happening within the older generation who had their families back home, or immediately after they arrived to western countries.
According to a survey conducted by the Open Democracy
Forum, the reasons for the higher devorce rates are external cultural influences. Tsegeye Bekele, one of the interviewees,says“The new culture does not support our traditional marriage customs. It demands for women to seek equal rights when the roles in a household are clearly defined.”
The divorced women on the other hand believe many of the break-ups can be blamed on the men. The women say the men are not pulling their weight in the household and failing to adapt to the new environment. Most women believe the longstanding inequality between husband and wife still exists. “It is emotionally and physically draining when your husband refuses to contribute to the household chores. My ex-husband only came home to sleep,” says Qaali Ahmed, a divorced mother of four. Because of the increase in the divorce rate in our communities and the lack of mutual understanding, young girls are more cautious and likely to sustain a strong relationship first before considering marriage. They know that marriage is not a compulsory course but merely a choice. What makes them not stretch the string a little longer before tying the knot? Well the answer seems to be echoed by all… “The biological clock will never wait for us” with this in mind, the singletons are still cautious. “I don’t want to rush into a marriage only to discover my husband is not who I thought he was. I need to make sure we both have similar morals and values to maintain a successful marriage,” says Ebyan.
However amusing and entertaining her life is a single woman free of constraints will always be perceived as a loser in a society where a woman’s social status is still based on her marriage. Women’s worth is often demeaned to the children they bear and they are rarely educated. These women are the sparkle and essence of our cultures and should be recognised for their impeccable potential and value, not only as mothers and wives but also as women who make crucial contribution to today’s society. • |
